Sunday, July 29, 2007

Home

I was able to come home on Thursday, which was also our 4th wedding anniversary. I kind of used that to sway the doctors. It has been hard adjusting back, as usual. I have a hard time going from the constant monitoring to nothing, and the pneumonia has me feeling very ill. I am tired, weary, broken, and so weary of this long, slow death. I know God has a purpose in all of this -- I know He is still sovereign -- I know He still holds my days, but the fight is leaving me, and I find myself longing for relief from this daily assault on my body.

Please pray that I will continue to gain strength and recover from the pneumonia. I have an appointment on Friday at Barnes for a CT Scan, bone marrow biopsy #10, and a visit with my transplant doctor. My parents are taking me as Brandon has work obligations. This is the first time I will go through a biopsy without him, and I am scared.

I hold to the verses I have posted on my site. Struck down, but not destroyed...even though some days I feel completely at the end of my self. This long, long trial is wearing us down. Please cover us with your prayers.

In love,
Amy

71 comments:

Leslie said...

Oh, Amy. My heart hurts for you and your family. I will pray for you this week: that God will come to you with the courage you need to face the biopsy without Brandon at your side, that the pneumonia will clear up, that your body will be strong again, that you will be strengthened and built up in grace and comfort from Jesus.

Thank you for taking the time and energy to post an update on your progress.

Krissy said...

Amy,
I found your site through Alivia's and have been and will continue to pray. That is all I know to say, except that it sounds like you have a wonderful family.

Blessings,
~krissy

Anonymous said...

Praying that God will send you peace, and that you will find the strength to keep fighting this unimaginable battle.

In Christian Love,

Kendra
Miamisburg, OH

Anonymous said...

Amy, you are a beacon for those who are seriously ill like yourself. Your courage and strength makes me ashamed of my wineing over things. May God give you courage and strength for the biopsy on Friday. Know you are in our prayers and God is so pleased with your courage. God bless you and the family. May you find comfort in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank you for taking the time and effort to keep us informed.

Blessings,
Jo Ann

weavermom said...

Praying. And wishing there was more to do! May God sustain you.

Aaron's Mom said...

Happy 4th Wedding Anniversary Amy. :)

I'm sure this was not the way you envisioned spending it when you first married Brandon 4 years ago, was it? I know it wasn't, bless your heart. Life has a way of putting sharp curves and road blocks on our path that we never counted or planned on that's for sure. You have struggled down a long, hard road and had more bumps and forks and detours than a lot of people have had, and yet you continue to hang on and keep on- keepin' on by the grace of God.

I am praying against the pneumonia that has been attacking your body and praying for you to have supernatural strength and the peace of God as you go in for your biopsy on Friday. God can calm all your fears and restore hope and peace once again. Keep quoting this scripture to build up your spirit:

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Keep hanging on Amy and I am praying for your complete restoration and for supernatural strength as you continue to endure this very hard road that you have so beautifully travelled--but not in vain.

Love you,
Carol Mahan

nancygrayce said...

Amy, I read your updates and pray for you. You are incredible and stronger than you think...We found this written in the back of my grandmother's Bible..."There is a reason for our sickness known only to God". We assume she wrote that to remind herself! Because He lives, Nancy

Carey said...

Im glad to hear your home. Im praying you find the energy and strength to beat this pneumonia.
Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby.

Meg said...

Happy Anniversary...Praying for you...for peace, courage, rest and healing. With love, Meg in VA

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy

GOD grant you comfort and peace. Please know that many people are praying for you, and we all keep you close in heart.
Phyllis Miller Indiana, Pa.

Hannah D A said...

We're continuing to pray for you Amy, for comfort, rest, healing and laughter.
--Hannah

Robin said...

I'm sure I'm one of many who read, pray but rarely comment. Just wanted you to know--that we are indeed praying.

Sun said...

Oh bless your heart! I will cover you and your family in prayer and tomorrow night I will join my Bible Study in prayer for you. You are a precious woman of God. He stands in the gap for you - fighting when you cannot. Cling to Jesus. Your faith is such an inspiration to me...thank you for this blog. Sunshine

amy said...

Amy, I haven't had the privilege of knowing you, but I have been so blessed by your blog. You have given your family and friends a gift that is too valuable to be measured in your faithfulness and trust in your Savior during your illness. The Lord bless you and keep you in His strong and powerful arms, dear sister.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I lifted you up in prayer tonight. I am praying that while we KNOW He is near, that your heart and soul will FEEL it right now. You are precious to Him. Laurie

April said...

Amy, I ache for you. I literally ache when I read your words of being so weary. I pray for you and can only trust that God is holding you, keeping you, comforting you, and providing for you. I pray for you daily and know that God will draw you close and give you relief.

Hang in there Amy. There are so many of us praying for you!

sarahdodson said...

I pray the Lord will give you tremendous mercy at this time in your life, Amy. I can't even begin to imagine your hurts and pains. Thank you for sharing the God-honoring testimony of your life with us.

Diane J. said...

Bless your heart, honey. My prayers are going up for y'all. God bless and keep you all.

Hugs, and blessings,

Diane

Anonymous said...

Amy and Brandon,

We continue in prayer for and with you. So many are concerned for you and your family. You are a testimony of dependence on the Lord for comfort and strength.

May the Lord Jesus sustain each of you now.

Love to You all from us,
Don and Lilan

Earline said...

Oh Amy, I feel so bad for you. Thank you for being honest in your blog. We will continue to pray for you and for Brandon and for all those who love you. God is watching over you and knows your pain. We will pray for strength, healing, and God to minister to your heart as you walk through these hard, hard times.

Earline Howson

Erin said...

Amy-
I don't know the right words to say to offer comfort during this unimaginably difficult time. Your strength and faith through turmoil has truly been an inspiration to me; I can only pray that I would handle your situation with as much grace and steadfast faith in God as you have.

Although I know you only from following your blog for the last year after stumbling across it, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

God bless you,

Erin
Loudonville, Ohio

Lisa said...

Amy -
Get some much needed rest! You need quiet, peace, and rest to awaken with strength for that day.

Just know that there are many, many of us that bring you before the Lord each day. Let our prayers - and His hands - be your strength for this day!
Lisa

Jenni Halley said...

Assault. Perfect wording. Cancer does just that, assault your body. But you, Amy, have continued to hold your head up and faithfully face whatever it is that God has planned for you. It is nothing short of honorable and gallant.

I was pleased to see that you could celebrate your anniversary today. I am sure your wedding day is fresh in your mind, as your hopes and dreams for a lifetime together are still as real today as they were then. We were married 4 years in January, and with Brian's illness, it sometimes feels like a lifetime ago because we've spent so much of our marriage with him fighting cancer. I long for the trials and daily events of a normal marriage, one that doesn't have cancer. But as I'm sure Brandon feels with you, I wouldn't trade the precious years for Brian, even with cancer.

You don't know how much time is left, none of us really do; but I wish you a lifetime worth of love with Brandon wrapped up in the moments you have together.

I pray that God lifts your spirit and carries you through this difficult time. I will pray for quick healing from the pneumonia, for the biopsy to go smoothly, and for complete healing for your body...I never stop praying and telling God what we really need.

I appreciate your updates. Know that you are always in prayer.

Jenni and Brian Halley

gracie said...

Joining hands with this world-wide circle of prayer for you. Silent wordless groans between us that only the Holy Spirit can interpret and God can hear. You are held.

Anonymous said...

Amy,
We hold you in our hearts.
We humbly ask God to lift some of your burden and hope that by allowing us to share in it, we can bear it with you.
Thank you for being such a model of love--for God, for family, for life.
All of us are blessed by you!
Happy Anniversary, Amy & Brandon.

Kim said...

Hi, Amy.

Thank you for the update. I am joining with others in praying for you. I will pray for your strength and courage as you face the biopsy without Brandon. I will also be praying for relief from the pneumonia. I know you are traveling down a very hard road...none of us really know what that path is like..we may try to understand what you are feeling, but we just can't. We have not been where you have...but we will all face trials of different kinds in our lives and suffering is part of this earthly life ...you are being such a strong example of how to walk through such things. When I face trials in my life, I will always remember you, Amy...as a *shining* light of God's Truth and grace.

I know you are weary and heavy burdened. I'm so glad we can cast all our cares upon Him, who cares for us. You continue to be a wonderful testimony to God's grace and love...He,who never leaves us, is with you every step during this trial. He will comfort and strengthen you. I trust in that as you do.

I will be praying that, even though this is very difficult, the spiritual blessings you will receive will out weigh all of these earthly blessings and trials...the temporal fading things of this world will be so tiny compared to His glory.

You are a precious young lady, Amy...so precious in God's sight and in mine. I will be praying for you as always.

IN Christ's Unfailing Love,

Kim

Vivi said...

Happy Anniversary, dear ones! I am praying for you in Central Texas. I'm glad He's the God of all comfort. Keep trusting. He does all things well.

mary said...

Amy, thank you for being so transparent! It helps me feel with you, pray harder for you...and hopefully stop whining a little. I read in a devotional book that today is Joni Eareckson Tada's anniversary of her diving accident. A few years ago, on her 38th anniversary, her sister called and observed that she had been paralyzed as long as the man at the Bethesda pool. When Joni read the passage in John chapter 5, she got a lump in her throat as she came to verse 6: "When Jesus...learned He had been in this condition for a long time...." Jesus felt her burden! Thirty-eight years in a wheelchair is a long time. Jesus feels your burden, too, Amy. He understands that over a year fighting this cancer IS A LONG TIME. Especially with pneumonia on top of it! You've got the "when I am weak" part of 2 Cor. 12:9 down pat, and your trust in Jesus and desire to honor Christ are evident. May you now feel His grace and get some needed rest in His strong arms.

Tina said...

Praying!

Tina said...

I came back to post a link to a blog post by someone else who has cancer who is telling of a devotional she read that seems to fit so well.

http://www.especiallyheather.com/2007/07/30/victimization-despair-and-heaven/

Continued prayers!

Tracy said...

Amy, I think of you often. I am praying for you!

Anonymous said...

You have taught me so much about faith and God's love during your battle. I pray for you now. May you find peace, rest, rejuvination and health.

Praying,
Nancy

Anonymous said...

Hold On.

Anonymous said...

Your honesty is heartwarming. It is at the end of ourselves that God most often does miracles.

We pray, we pray, we pray...We have called God off the road and directed Him toward you.

Monica C. said...

"'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him!'" That scripture, from Lamentations (3:24) is the scripture for today on my calendar. Though your body is weary, I know that your soul is not, and I know that it knows that there is hope in the Lord.

Oh Amy, please know that so many of us are praying for you every day. I pray for renewed strength, for you to have days filled with energy and happiness. I keep praying because I know the Lord can give you such days, and I take comfort in knowing that He is with you every step of the way.

God bless you!

Alivia's Momma said...

Amy....

I'm still here and still praying for you.

Emily

Scratchin' the Surface said...

Amy, absolutely praying for you. xoxoox

Kim said...

Amy~
Know that I've been, and will continue to lift you up in prayer!!!

Praying that God's supernatural strength...will be yours today. Praying that God's grace...is enough for you today. Praying that God's mercies...are new for you this day!!
Kim~

Wendy said...

Amy, We are still praying here too. I appreciate the updates. Your name has been on our refrigerator and not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Praying especially about the biopsy and the pneumonia this week.

Julie's Jewels said...

I'm saddened to hear the weariness in your writing. But I totally understand that this can be very wearisome physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. You are in my prayers daily and will continue to be. May God bless you and strengthen you during this time!! Isaiah 26:3-4

Azul said...

Amy,

You are such an inspiration. Hold tight to your faith (as though you need to be reminded), and we will all pray that God will continue to provide, strenght, grace, and comfort to you and your family.

Pam said...

Oh how my heart hurts for you and your family today. The struggle to fight has been so hard on all of you and I can hear it in your words today.

May God embrace you and hold you tightly in His arms. I pray that He will give you strength and that you will truly feel Him holding you up in the days to come.

Linds said...

I continue to pray, Amy. You are such an inspiration, and so amazingly strong. I wish I could do more to help. I can pray.

Susanne said...

Amy, continueing to pray and lift you up before the throne of God. May peace & strength be yours.

Anonymous said...

Amy,
We continue to lift your name up to the Almighty and ask for His renewing grace and healing for you. Not a day passes without our prayer for you.

Still expecting a miracle from our Savior for he knows your pain and can heal even without his touch. Please Lord Jesus, have mercy on Amy.
Uncle Cliff and Aunt KAren

Lauren said...

Amy, I will continue to pray for you.

Israel Wayne said...

Lord, I pray for Amy that you will not only comfort her, but give her relief from this pneumonia. Please let the awareness of your presence rest on her as she walks through this week. Thank you that she has her parents to help her. Thank you for Brandon. Bless him and strengthen him. Please be merciful to this family. Keep your hand on Gary and guide his life. Please intervene on Amy's behalf and touch her in a special way. We love you Jesus. --Amen

Anonymous said...

Amy, I can hear the anguish and the tearing going on in your body and soul. This battle has been lenghty, painful, sorrowful and anxious. Yet you are still here, though you seem to feel your strength ebbing each day. I will pray.....Livi's gigi

Seabhag said...

Hey kiddo, glad to hear you got to go home. I know you don't really care that much for the hospital. If you didn't 'already' know this you should probably try to get over the pneumonia as it probably isn't helping you :P. You've shown a lot more courage in this fight than anyone I know (except for maybe Brandon and your folks). Hope you and Brandon don't mind a virtual hug.

Mel's Mom said...

Amy,
I've just come to your site recently. Please know there are more praying for you.

Aunt Boo said...

Praying for you.

Rachel said...

Oh Amy, your problems make my little everyday problems nothing in comparison. I used to work at a large hospital and seeing the cancer patients would often remind me of this same thing, that my problems were nothing.

Your strength has been remarkable. I just pray that the pneumonia will go away and that you will get through the biopsy with the courage and strength you need.

Thanks for the update, and happy anniversary to you and your husband.

Anonymous said...

Amy,
I pray God's Will is for your recovery and that your place will be with your loving family.

Praying for you (for strength, freedom from pain, and good health) and your family,
Susan

Joshua 1:9
I will be strong and courageous. I will not be terrified or discouraged; for the Lord my God is with me wherever I go.

Amy K said...

Happy Anniversary. Praying and waiting with you.

Amy
Coal City, Illinois

Mark and Courtney said...

Dear Amy,

I came to your blog via another blog (Ashley A). I wanted to let you know that we live in St Louis, about 3.5 miles from Barnes. My DH works for Children's in the PT dept. If you guys ever need a place to stay, you are welcome to stay with us (includes family, caregivers, etc. as well). Let me know if there's anything else you need when you're in the area (home-cooked meals?? :) ). You can reach me by email at frogcourt at yahoo dot com.

in Him,
Courtney

cindy/barron said...

Hi Amy, i will be praying for you.I heard about you through little Ashley Adams blog.I can relate living with leukemia, as my grandmother had it.Amy never forget that GOD is able.We can do althings through him who strenghtens us. praying praying praying Your friend Cindy

Ashley said...

Dear Amy,

We have never met, and I don't recall how I found your blog. I lay awake last night unable to sleep thinking and praying for you. Amy, I prayed that our Father in Heaven would hold you close last night and that you would feel His presence next to you. I have requested more prayers for you through my daughters blog and it is my hope that these prayers along with all those who have been praying will give you strength. You are loved. Trish(Ashley's mommy)

Joyful Days said...

With many prayers,

Julie

Wendy said...

Amy,

I found your blog through Ashley's Journal (Trish). I just wanted you to know I am praying for you...you are traveling a difficult road, but you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy,
I'm glad you could be with your family for your anniversary! I'm praying God will give you and your family strength!
Debbie

Muriel Elrod said...

I found your site through Ashley's journal and I just read your entire blog...obviously, I have some time on my hands. I want you to know how amazing I think you are. You are gorgeous and inspiring and a true testament to the human spirit. I will pray for you and I know that God will continue to hold you in his hand.

Heather said...

Dearest Amy, I am lifting you up in prayer even as I type this. I so appreciate your faithfulness to journal and keep us up to date on your treatments. May you have the strength to continue to fight dear one...may the Lord shower you with His presence in this long valley. You are in my prayers, and my church here in Okinawa prays for you as well. Dear Sister, we love you.~heather

Anonymous said...

Amy-
I found your website from a friend of mine. My heart aches for you and your family. I will pray daily for you that God will give you the peace, comfort, strength, and mercy you need to make it through these next days.
In Christ's Love,
Shari
Florence, Oregon

Anonymous said...

Amy,
I found your blog through Livi's. I will be praying for you and your family. I pray for healing, strength, peace & rest today.
Brandi from Lancaster, PA :)

Rachel Davis said...

Hey there. I hope that you got some much needed rest this week. Love you much...

Anonymous said...

I am praying for you. I have just learned of your blog through others. God can do anything and I pray that His perfect Will be worked in your life. He does hold your days and He loves you. I pray that you will have strength and courage. You are an inspiration.

Melissa said...

Amy,

I read your blog all the time, pray for you often, and never comment. Just wanted you to know that you are being prayed for!

God Bless.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I came across your blog through someone else’s. I want you to know that I have been covering you in prayer today!
“The Lord nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health.”
Ps 41:3 NLT
Jennah

Devoted Heart said...

You have a wonderful and lovely way of expressing yourself through the written word. God willing, when this journey has come to an end, you should write a book about your experience. I believe it would touch the lives of many and encourage others to hold strong to their faith.

~ Danielle

Barb said...

You're always in my prayers, Amy.

Joe.Karen said...

dearest amy,

you are still in our thoughts and prayers all the time. happy 4th anniversary! i'm sure that it wasn't what you expected your 4th anniversary to be like, four years ago. but i'm also sure that you brandon remain a blessing to each other. God bless you.

Love,
Karen & Joe